Nov 10, 2008
November 10 2008
Feeling that some parts of my journal work is getting a little darker--especially the bits about my mood and the way I behave when the kids get a little out of line. I don't want to publish that on LJ, as that is a little more public and doesn't need to be shared. I think another thing that needs to be written down is my distraction or distance from the things and people immediately around me. Overall feellings of depression, coming back harder in some ways. Also had a nasty image of suicide the other day--purchasing a gun, driving with it a couple of days later to a woods around sunset, leaving the car at the road and shooting myself without leaving a note. This came after the situation deteriorated on Saturday afternoon, when I lost my cool with AW in the Inlet. Its a typical reaction I had but this was more vivid than most ideations I have. Thinking last night that one of the most important and enjoyable things I do is write a journal, whether online or on paper. This after some time spent on Open Diary. Gives me some hope that I may be able to write my way out of this.Posted at 16:34